I can’t help myself…
I know I shouldn’t do it…
I’ve read many “experts” telling me that I shouldn’t do it…
But a few months ago, essentially a homebody thanks to being ambushed by Transverse Myelitis, I started doing it: answering “suspected spam” calls.

Oftentimes I can show self restraint.
I have even gone a week or two without giving in, no many how many calls I got.
But then my phone displays “Suspected Spam” and I can’t manage to help myself. I give in to the urge, hoping to entertain myself a bit and waste the time of the cretin on the other end. (Shelly has overheard many of the calls, and had to stifle her laughter to keep from giving away what I was doing. My attempts to disguise my voice also had her chuckling…)

I’ve probably given in 40 times over the past 120 days.
For awhile, almost all of them were calls trying to get my Medicare information.
They opened by saying that they were from Medicare Support and wanted to know if I had received the “new plastic medicare card.”
There is NOT a plastic Medicare card.
(They’ve been making these scam calls since at least 2018.)

At first I said that I already had a plastic card…in fact I had “received a few” of them. They usually hung up fairly quickly, so I had to change my approach.
When I told them that I hadn’t received a plastic card, they would start with their questions…and I would say I’d have to find my paper card and ask to be put on hold.
Then 6 or 8 minutes later I’d say that I found it and the fun would begin.

When they asked for a key piece of information (the effective date for Medicare) I had some fun.
Sometimes I’d say a date in 1964. (Medicare started in ‘65; if I was 65 in 1964, I’d be 125.)
One time I said that the effective date was in 1926 (the year my Dad was born). That’d make me 163. They’d asked me to repeat it a couple of times before they’d hang up.

If I didn’t give them a crazy start date, they’d go after what they really needed: a Medicare number.
At first I’d make something up, making sure it was in the correct format.
But now when they ask for the number, I give them shit for being scam artists preying on senior citizens….and tell them to “Google plastic Medicare cards.”
A couple of times it was obvious that the caller had no idea they were part of a scam. I believe that they honestly thought they were helping old people. Sad. (But everyone needs to pay the rent…)
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The most prevalent calls for awhile were calls from folks saying they’re police or firefighters pacs.
Some of them start with a real person saying they’re gonna pass me to a recording. In that case, I quickly ask to be put on their “Do not call list”…and they hang up.
When I let them pass me to the AI recording, I test it out by saying I want to donate at a level other than their canned amounts.
This makes the AI go crazy.
I also give the AI fits by agreeing to their amounts but by giving them made up credit card information.
These calls quickly quit being any fun…and perhaps the request for the do not call list really worked.
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And then there are the discount drug callers.
I usually start with a prescription drug, e.g. oxycontin or prozac. (They say they can’t do oxy, but can ship prozac WITHOUT a script!!)
Then I ask for psilocybin (they search their database and can’t find it!) and THC gummies (they laugh and say No to those).
Next I ask about Methaqualone and Biphetamine 20. (That stumps them…quaaludes and black beauties have been off the market for a loooong time. Oh, well…those were the days.)
I also stumped them with Delysid….Lysergic acid diethylamide.
I’ve only answered a handful of those drug calls, but they were entertaining.
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It’s been a couple of weeks since I gave in and answered a number that is not in my contact list, but I’m sure I’ll give in again.
Hopefully it will be the Medicare scammers or the drug pushers.
They’re the most fun….and in a TM world, fun is where you can find it.